She said: The Petulant Vixen

I can be a real bundle of insecurities sometimes. L more often than not does a great job at erradicating and even preventing those feelings - he is accepting, non-judgemental and just a very kind person. I guess that when one, by word, deed or both, is made to feel worthless over the course of years, it takes a long time before you stop believing that, even when you know better. Every now and then, I still struggle.

L and I talk almost daily and each week - usually on Sunday or Monday - one of us usually asks the other when we will be available through the week so that we can plan our next assignation. We go through our schedules for the week and pick out times that would suit us both and decide what we'd like to do. Ideally, we meet at his office after work, but some weeks schedules make this impossible, so we might meet at a mall, a park or a store and just spend some time together.

I was a little down this one day - I blame it on the girly days - and those insecurities reared their ugly heads in a big way. It all started when I wanted to ask L when we could meet up for the week, but because I had initiated the question for the last few weeks running, I was feeling a little hesitant. Is he getting tired of me? Is he not interested in hooking up this week? I am always concerned about being a bother to him, of assuming too much. While still battling this out with myself (it was now Tuesday!), L messaged me to ask if we would be getting together that week.

After thanking him for asking me, which he probably found strange, I told him when I would be able to get away for the week. It came down to two options that would work for both of us. We could either meet at his office after work that same day or we could go to the racetrack on Thursday. L had visited the racetrack several weeks before and texted me several times from there. Clearly, he was enjoying it and when he heard that I had never been, he promised he would take me sometime. L left it to me to choose the option since either was fine with him.

So what did I choose? The reality was that I wanted to do both. In fact, in expounding on the pros and cons of the options with L, I tried every way I could think of to get him to suggest that we do both without coming right out and asking, but he wasn't biting. I really wanted to see L that day. It had been several days since I had seen him and I really needed some L time. At the same time, the weather was getting colder and the racetrack would soon suspend live horse racing for the season, so it seemed a more practical choice to go to the track together. Choosing both would probably have been okay with L, but I didn't want to speak up and ask. Funny part is, had he said he couldn't do both, I would have readily accepted that and been fine with it, so it wasn't like I was afraid of being rejected. I just phsyched myself into assuming that he wouldn't want to be with me twice in a week and wouldn't even venture to ask.

After waffling back and forth a bit, I finally told him to go ahead and make the choice. Then, reflecting on the fact that I've disappointed him in the past when he's given me the opportunity to take charge and I haven't been willing or able to step up, I immediately messaged him back to say that no, I would make the choice and I chose to go to the track on Thursday. We firmed up timing. About two minutes later, I realized I was feeling really annoyed and grumpy. Why? Well, because I still needed some L time..and I wasn't going to get any at the track. Honestly, I probably would have been equally annoyed had I chosen the other option. It was just that kind of day.

L realized I was grumpy and we talked a bit before I decided to take myself and my foul mood into the shower. By the time I finished and got back online, I was feeling much better. L gently chided me about feeling badly when plans don't work out and I tried to explain that I wasn't pouting or feeling annoyed with him at all, but rather I was annoyed with myself. I was losing out because I couldn't or wouldn't speak up and was perpetuating the problem by not being upfront to L about it. By this time, it was too late to meet him at his office anyway. L messaged that he was meeting some friends at 8:30 that night and he suggested that if I were 'interested', he 'might' be passing into our favourite electronics store on his way at approximately 7:00 pm.

This perked me up right away and I coyly made a couple of suggestions of things we could do 'if I were coming'. I guess from that, L got the impression I wasn't coming, because later in the conversation he said some things that lead me to ask if he were really going to be there or if he had just been teasing me. He responded that it had only been a thought and I left it at that. I had to get going at that point, so I said my goodbye and signed out, then kicked myself. I was doing it again - losing out because I wouldn't step up. I logged back on right away and caught L before he had signed out. I told him I wanted to see him tonight if he wanted to stop in at the electronics store, I'd be there. The poor man was (rightly) confused and wondered why I had changed my mind, but did agree right away to meet me.

Approaching from different directions, we arrived at the same time and I pulled into the parking lot right behind L. He didn't notice me and walked into the store as I climbed out of my vehicle. I walked in behind him and went over and said hi. By this time I was back to my normal self and felt like an ass for all the stuff that went on during the day, so right away I apologized for the craziness.

I don't know if he felt it too, but I was feeling a little awkward with him. He was probably proceeding with caution wondering if I had turned from my usual easy-going, go-with-the-flow self into some kind of psycho mistress-zilla. We looked around at a bunch of different things and chatted and things started to warm up with him brushing a hand across my ass or putting his hand on my shoulder as we paused to look at items. We moved to look at some computers in an out-of-the-way corner and I think I temporarily lost the ability to think when he wordlessly stepped forward and pressed me between the shelf and his body. As he stepped away, I turned to him and on tiptoe whispered in his ear, "Let's go somewhere".

He agreed to go wherever I wanted to go (deferring to me again!), so we left the store and hopped into my van. I drove to a parking lot nearby where we've been before. Surprisingly well-lit for the area, I was happy to spot one light standard that wasn't working and I parked under it. Between the very dark area not being serviced by the non-functioning light and the tinted windows in the van, I figured we'd be fine. He reached over, undid my seatbelt, swung up the armrest and pulled me over into his arms. I went happily and we hugged and kissed for a few minutes before I asked if I could suck his cock. As he freed himself, I took off my shoes and manoevered to kneel down between the seats so that I could reach him better. Remembering that he once mentioned how much he loved seeing it, I unbuttoned my shirt and rested my lace-covered tits on his leg before bending over and taking him in my mouth.

Ohmygosh I love sucking his cock! I took him deep inside my mouth, then ran my tongue around the head as I pulled back. I flicked his frenulum with my tongue, skidded my teeth down his length as I took him in again and then swallowed as the head of his cock reached the back of my throat. I lay my tongue flat against his shaft and pulled him back out again, dragging my tongue along the smooth skin and leaving extra saliva behind for my next pass, where I tightened my lips around him effectively squeezing him all the way down and sucking hard as I pulled him back out again. His moans a testament to his enjoyment, I continued to mix it up until he came hard in my mouth.

We sat a while longer, holding each other and talking. I so wanted to re-seat him in one of the back seats, strip down, straddle him and ride his cock until we both exploded, but I was too shy to say so and anyway it was already past the meeting time for his night out. I didn't want to keep him from his friends. I drove him back to the store parking lot and we kissed deeply before parting ways. I remember wondering on the way home if our meeting that night was in lieu of the track. I'd have to feel him out about that. Oh, the crazy things that go on in my mind.