Monday, November 22, 2010

She said: On My Knees

I have control issues. I know it. I have never been drunk, for example - mostly because there has never been anyone I trusted sufficiently to look after me in that state so that I don't do something very bad, because I know I would. At tipsy, I start shedding clothes and inhibitions - I can only imagine what drunk would bring! You all know I love to give blow jobs and always have - it's the ultimate win/win to me. He gets mind-blowing pleasure at the same time as I get the control. There's also the added bonus that I don't have to interact with my partner, just with his penis. Even during sex, I would never open my eyes, always afraid my partner would see too much. Until L, that was the status quo. Until L, I have never before felt free to let go of the tight control on my feelings and actions and completely be myself with someone - just to let go and let the chips fall where they may. It's very liberating and a little scary at the same time!

I had a date to meet L later that day when he messaged me to ask some questions about things I'd be comfortable with. I thought I'd be okay with everything he mentioned, but assured him that that he needn't worry, because if I were uncomfortable with something, I'd say so. He cryptically responded that that may not be possible.

I arrived at his office that evening. He told me to get undressed and when I had done so, he had me kneel down on the ground. He took my arms behind my back and secured my wrists with cable ties. He asked if I was okay and I told him I was fine, but just to be sure, he gave me a small bottle to hold in my bound hand and told me that if I wanted him to stop what he was doing for any reason, just drop it and he would stop right away. L is a smart man - it turns out that having this 'out' was just what I needed to be able to make it to the end of our encounter.

He undressed as I watched, then came over and held me by my hair. He told me he was going to fuck my face, so I should open up wide and take him in. At this point, he proceeded to ram his hard cock into my mouth. I started to deliver my usual blowjob and then realized this wasn't working that way - I was clearly not the one in control here. I could not do all my little tricks I do to make him moan - really, I could do little more than keep my mouth open for him to fuck me. I thought I was prepared for this, but I quickly realized that this was not just about giving head while being restrained.

With little time in between strokes to swallow, the saliva built up in my mouth and ran down his cock and my chin. Without me being able to control how deep or fast the strokes were, I gagged a few times, making tears stream down my face. My jaw ached from holding it open for so long and still he pumped into my mouth. A couple times I pulled back a bit to decrease penetration and try to swallow and catch my breath, but he would grab my hair and press into me deeper. I could feel his cock blocking my windpipe on the in-stroke and I sucked in air through my nose as best I could during the brief out-stroke.

Several times I considered dropping the bottle he put in my hands, but I didn't. I could do this; I wouldn't give up - I was determined not to. Finally, when I didn't think I could take any more, he pulled his cock out of my mouth. I was in such a daze I didn't even understand why until the hot spurts of cum hit me in the face. The cum ran down my face and dripped down onto my chest.

I sat back on my legs exhausted, hunched over and tears streaming down my face. L snipped the restraints off and handed me a tissue and grabbing another, helped me clean up. He asked if I was okay and held me until I was able to talk. He chafed my wrists and fussed over the marks left by the ties and I soon felt fully recovered.

We talked a lot about that encounter. For me, it was very emotional and very intense. I think L was surprised to find that he liked it. Though he loves and needs to be touched, I think our exploration was as much of a revelation to him as it was for me, though in different ways. It was a very raw and powerful experience - one that I think begs further exploration.

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