Tuesday, July 31, 2012

TMI Tuesday - 7/31

The Comfort and Thrill of Sex

1. How do you feel about giving anal sex (penetration with penis, finger or sex toys)?
a. I love it.
b. I enjoy it.
c. I’m ok with it.
d. I don’t really enjoy it.
e. I don’t enjoy it at all.
f. I have never given anal sex.
g. I have never given anal sex, but would like to start.
When L fucks me, I like to fuck back - I like to be an active participant.  I had often wondered what it would feel like to be the man fucking the woman.  That was long before I knew one could have a strap-on penis and not only fuck a woman with it, but you could also peg a man with it!  Well, you can imagine my pleasure to get to try both of those options.  Not surprisingly, I loved it - you know, for those rare times when I want to be the boss man.  I've also played with L with fingers (just today, in fact) and sex toys, with equal enjoyment.

2. How do you feel about receiving anal sex (penetration with penis, finger or sex toys)?
a. I love it.
b. I enjoy it.
c. I’m ok with it.
d. I don’t enjoy it at all.
e. I have never received anal sex.
f. I have never received anal sex, but would like to start.
A less than stellar first experience nearly precluded me from trying again.  L took things very slowly and over the course of many months, built up both trust and tolerance until I decided I was ready to try with him.  As I've mentioned here before, I love it!

3. How do you feel about getting undressed in front of a new lover, for the first time, as he/she watches you?
a. It’s a turn on for me.
b. It turns me on a little bit.
c. I like it, but only because it gets him/her going.
d. It does nothing for me.
e. I don’t like doing it because I am shy.
f. I don’t like doing it because I think it’s immoral/improper.
For me, getting naked in front of a new lover is brutally difficult, so I'll say 'e'.  Not only am I horribly shy, but I'm also extremely self-conscious of my body.  I'm used to L now and with his constant support and encouragement, I have no issues at all with him...but it still doesn't do anything for me and I'm pretty sure it doesn't do anything for him either.

4. Do you express your sexual pleasure with moans, groans, sighs, and other noises (provided that you are actually turned on)?
a. Yes, each time I have sex (90-100% of the time).
b. Yes, on most occasions (70-89% of the time).
c. Yes, on some occasions (40-69% of the time).
d. Yes, on a few occasions (10-39% of the time).
e. Yes, but only on special occasions (1-9% of the time).
f. Never, not even when I am really turned on.
Interesting question.  I've never felt completely free and open with anyone prior to L.  I was always almost completely silent during sex and orgasm, but I was stifling myself to avoid comment.  Now sex is punctuated with moans, sighs and whispers and laughter...it's completely liberating and it's wonderful!  I'll say a!

5. Do you talk to your partner in a sexually explicit way?
a. Talking dirty is one of our favorite activities.
b. Occasionally, I like to talk dirty with my partner, and I do it with ease.
c. I talk dirty with my partner, but it feels awkward.
d. I would like to talk dirty with my partner, but I don’t dare for fear of being judged or ridiculed.
e. I would like to talk dirty with my partner, but she/he isn’t into it.
f. I don’t talk in such a way because I think it is inappropriate.
g. I don’t talk in such a way because I can’t bring myself to do it.
I'll say b.  When we're chatting, I'm more likely to "talk dirty".  I'm a pretty quiet person.  I'm far more chatty in writing than I am verbally and I often share my thoughts openly with L as we chat.  We communicate well verbally also, but he'll always get more out of me in writing.  I do sometime say naughty things when we're together and I do so with ease.

6. What kind of animal do you most sound like when building to a climax?
a. quiet little mouse
b. low moaning wolf
c. screeching beluga whale
You decide.  Here are links (His and Hers) to a previous story post where we included recordings.  Of these options, a fits best, I think.

Bonus: Which do you prefer comfort sex or thrill-seeking sex? Why?
I really think it has to be a combination of both.  I've made this observation with us over the years and though I've always categorized it as vanilla/non-vanilla sex, the explanations here fit what I mean fairly precisely.  If we haven't been together for a while, the sex is usually of the comfort seeking variety (vanilla, if you will)...reconnecting, re-establishing the familiarity, sating our hunger for each other. However, I've noticed that the times when we really push the boundaries and experiment and try new things, it's always when we've had the opportunity to spend a lot of time together...so maybe we're not as horny for each other (or are somewhat sated) and are in a mindset to look beyond the vanilla sex to try something more out of the ordinary.  

I think each certainly has its place, but it's hard to choose a favourite.  When we have a lot of comfort sex - and not to say the comfort sex is lacking in any way, because that's certainly not the case - then we miss the thrill seeking sex.  Similarly, I find it very difficult to dive into thrill-seeking sex if the comfort sex has been missing.  The intimacy and bond are critical for the thrill-seeking aspect.  I think for us, both are equally important for a well-rounded sex life.

Comfort seekers value deep intimacy, quiet engagement and trust over time of familiar relationships. For them sex is best as a safe, loving nurturing space.*
Thrill seekers value wild energy, adventure and novelty; they are willing to try open relationships, testing themselves outside average sexual practices. These folks crave a place to push the boundaries of new experiences.*
*Adapted from Susan Mernit’s blog


  1. Great answers! Very positive and empowering. Thanks to the link with all the audio clips. Very sexy! Glad to hear you've retained an open mind when it comes to anal sex. I'm sure you know that Jill's first experience was pretty horrible, and now she really enjoys it. Guess it depends on the other person too.

  2. I really liked your answers too.

    Neat to see how you felt more comfortable vocalizing with L than you did previously.

  3. 1. You are a lucky woman.

    4. V your answer to this mirrors my experience. You said it perfectly. Wished I had said it :) Though my feeling free to express myself came with age and sexual confidence, it had nothing to do with one person.


  4. I really like the story of how the answer to number 1 unfolded, as well as the answer to 2. For 1, things just seemed to progress. For 2, there had to be some patience and effort to build up the trust needed but it eventually happened. It's a good lesson to remember.

    All around, very sexy answers V !