Tuesday, August 14, 2012

TMI Tuesday - 8/14

Any Regrets?

Looking back on our lives, we can have a mix of reactions to the things we’ve done. When it comes to sex, our memories can color us with pride, fondness, nostalgia, indifference, or all too often, regret.  This week’s TMI Tuesday questions delve into things that people typically regret later in life. How much do you regret, if at all, any of the following?

Most of my regrets in life have come from perceived unkindnesses I've done in the past.  I say "perceived" because I've discovered, through apologizing for things that have long bothered me after the fact, that these unkindnesses have often affected me far more than the recipient.  Sometimes the other party never thought anything of it, or were upset at the time but have long since forgotten and moved on, but yet I've lived for years regretting things I've said/not said or done/not done to help or encourage people along the way, particularly when I was very young. 

It's certainly changed the way I live today.  I am extremely empathic and sensitive to other peoples' feelings and I have few - if any -  regrets these days.  I choose to view regrettable situations as learning opportunities, because invariably, when we mess up enough to regret it, there's a lesson there to be learned - something about yourself to discover.  It's not always a good discovery, but then you have a choice - to continue on that same path or to make a change and be the person you want to be.

1. Do you regret how you “lost” your virginity? If yes, why and to whom would you have preferred to have lost it?
I barely remember this specific encounter, but I do know that it was a positive experience in a relationship that lasted a number of years.  I have no regrets there, including that it eventually ended.

2. Have you ever lived a moment in your life where you said “Yeah, I’m not going to ever tell anyone about that.” Describe that moment or incident.
"Yeah, I'm still never going to tell anyone about that....."

3. Do you regret having acted on a sexual impulse? If yes, please describe.
Yes!   See question 2.  Suffice it to say I did something very out of character, but while I do regret the experience, it did serve to teach me a valuable lesson. 

4. Do you regret not having had sex with someone who you could have had sex? If yes, would you do it over and have sex?
Although I haven't had that many sex partners, I can't think of anyone that I really wanted to have sex with, but didn't. 

5. Do you regret not having asked out or tried to hook up with someone you really liked out of fear of rejection only to later learn that person wanted you, too? If yes, please describe.

6. Do you regret having done a particular sex act? If yes, please describe.
I have not regretted trying anything.  Some things work and become part of the repertoire where others don't work or just don't work for me and are dropped off the list.  You never know what you will discover when you try new things and for me, learning new things about myself is forward momentum, so I don't feel regretful about anything at all.

Bonus: Do you regret not having told someone you love them? (Romantic, not familial or friendship love.)
I have loved very, very few people in my life in the romantic sense.  I've read some blogs where the bloggers profess their love for every man they meet - that's not me.  I'm not a person that takes those words lightly - if I didn't mean it, I would never say it.  Neither am I a person that says it often to those that have my love.  Do I regret not saying it?  No. Those that are loved by me should never have any doubts that it's so.  It's there, wrapped up in every word, touch, kindness and deed directed their way. 


  1. Interesting intro to your answers. Like you, while I try not to have many regrets, I sometimes dwell on the "perceived unkindnesses" I've inflicted on others. Women I treated unfairly or used, women I said I'd call and didn't, women I broke up with or caused to break up with me. Of course, these incidents are years or in some cases decades past, but I tend to occasionally reflect on them and hope that my occasional ethical lapses didn't ruin them.

    As a result I, like you, am very sensitive to the needs and feelings of others. That is not to say that I make a habit of subjugating my own needs to theirs, but I do my best to be aware and treat others with courtesy and respect. I don't wish to give the impression that when I was single I was a piece of shit who played games with other people's feelings or otherwise treated women unfairly. But I did sometimes comport myself in a manner of which I am not currently proud.

    That said, great answers. That you have no regrets about your first sexual relationship, including its end, demonstrates great insight on your part. And we found your answers to #6 and the bonus question particularly enlightening, and relatable. Well done.


  2. I think the beginning sums up life quite nicely. Guilt of our own wrongs can bar us from moving forward. Which speaks highly to your sense of right, wrong and empathy. I love that you do not regret the first time. I think when done right it can be a stepping stone to realizing your wants later. I tell people I love them, just not always romantically.

  3. I particularly enjoyed your Bonus answer. Ppl I love should have NO misunderstanding about it between word and deed. And like you, I've loved very few people romantically. Don't think I've ever been in love, actually. Thanks for playing!